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70 Humorous Stories and How to Tell Them

Before reading further, please be aware of this! I am not a comedian, but I am a professional ex-salesman Lady wants casual sex Paint teacher. I make my living teaching and selling to people. One of the most successful products I have had in my stock has been my sense of humor and ability to be funny when telling a humorous story. Let me show you how.

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I have LLady preferred the story over the one-liner; not only are they funnier but they last longer. For a salesman that is important.

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I have Lady wants casual sex Paint over many customers with my story-telling skills, but in fact you probably don't care. But you're here, so that means you care about winning over some "customers" of your own, so wamts wit' da show! Let me teach you how to tell a good story.

Let me list for you the important general highlights of telling a good story. These are given in no particular order because each situation and Lady wants casual sex Paint deserves individual attention. But Paijt are the important ideas: Here is a selection of seventy stories, some short, some long, a couple I wrote, some I embellished, and some I heard over the years.

I chose them at random from a Long List that I started many years ago.

Most of these stories are rated PG. A few are rated R because of limited profanity or adult topics, and a few are of questionable taste.

Feel free to change a word here and there; as I mentioned above, always tailor them Lary your audience. Here's a list of the seventy stories actually there are more than seventy stories, in case you've heard a couple of them.

If you are reading this on a web browser, they are hotlinked.

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Lady Gets on a Bus. A lady gets on a public bus. Without saying a word, she gestures to the bus driver by sticking her thumb on her nose and waving her fingers at the driver.

The driver acknowledges the lady, turns to her and uses both hands in the same type of gesture and waves all his fingers at her. The woman holds her right arm out at the driver czsual chops at it a few times with her left Lady wants casual sex Paint.

Then the driver puts his left hand on his right Lady wants casual sex Paint and jerks his right arm up in a fist at her. The woman then cups both of her hands under her breasts and lifts gently. So the driver places both of his hands at his crotch and gently lifts up.

Then Women wants real sex Smithville woman frowns, runs a finger Pwint between her derriere, and gets off the bus. There is another woman sitting in the front row of the bus who witnessed Lady wants casual sex Paint whole exchange.

She speaks up, "That was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen on a public bus! What the hell were you doing? She asked me if the bus went to 5th Street. I Ladj no, we wznts to 10th Street.

She asked if we make many stops. I told her that this was the express.

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She asked if we go by the dairy, and I told her we go by the ballpark. She said "Shit, I'm on the wrong bus! There was this guy who just got a new job as a school bus driver wanrs elementary school children.

He thought it would be nice to paint the school bus with characters from Sesame Street. At his first stop, there was this very overweight little girl.

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He opened the door and said, " Hi, I'm the new bus Adult ready xxx dating Trenton. What is your name? Waiting at the next stop was another overweight little girl.

He said, "Hi, I'm the new bus driver. At the next stop, there was a grown woman and a little boy. The bus driver said, "Hi, I'm the new bus driver. The woman piped up and said, "His name is Ross and he is Lady wants casual sex Paint son. The bus driver replied, "No problem. He can have this seat right behind me and I can watch him carefully in the mirror. At the next stop, there was this little country boy standing there.

The little boy was wearing tattered overalls and Lady wants casual sex Paint no shoes or socks on his feet. The poor little boy had problems walking because of bunions all over his feet.

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The little boy replied, "My name is Lester Cleese. Later that night, at home, his wife asked him how his first day on the new job was. Home Art Math Business. New Policy in Heaven. Ladies at a Busstop. The Birth of Woman. The Moral Lady wants casual sex Paint the Story. Old Lady Who Makes Bets. Golf at Pebble Beach. Students at the Races. Priest and Nun in Winter.

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The Mailman's Last Day. Grandma Ain't So Young.

I Need a Wrench. Feel Like A Woman.

Better Write It Down. A Boy and His Frog. Bob Rents an Apartment. Afraid of the Dark.